✘ SilverLight D Lightbringer ✘

On this earth there are around 6,528,784,400 population of humans. Between this huge number of people, some might think they are weird and some might think they are awesome. Some ask like 'Why am even born?'. These type of people are just being humiliated or bullied, and they think they got no meaning of life. And the "Awesomeness Being" will be like 'I was meant to be born, man!' Doing sorts of awesome stuff, and they are proud of it and everyone likes them. Actually among this numbers everyone is weird. Weird as in special, born with different talent. If everyone had the same talent, everyone will be like fighting for whose the best? That's why we are made different. There's a friend of mine, he used to complain bout his appearance. Why is he so short and weird looking with lots of 'FREAKING PIMPLE' on his face.(If you read this please don't hate me) Then I told him you grow this much pimple there's a reason for it. Ever heard of "Ugly Duckling", he might be exactly the same as the story. There's is a reason for everything. Trust the miracle! Sometimes it's what you expected. So, you who think you are retarded/abnormal/extraordinary/freaks/weirdo, please don't be afraid to mix with others! One who think you are weird, they are the true weirdos. =]

Lately, I heard of a word called the 'Butterfly Effects'. I found out it's so cool. The meaning goes like 'anything happens right now, will change everything'. Something small might change your entire life, even an ant pass by. The Butterfly Effect might sound girlish, try imagine it in the cool way. Three more nights, and I believe it's gonna be a new brand new year. A year that we are not familiar with. No one knows what is going to happen there. Twenty-ten just shattered after 366 days. Most of the people kinda miss this year and this holiday. But, I don't really care. It's not I hate this year, at least there is something for me to remember. First time of my own, earning my own cash. By the way, Goodbye 2010!

Christmas? It suppose to be something happy, gathering with your own family and friends having fun or some sort of stuff. I envy that the Western always have a nice Christmas with the snow around. That's something really awesome. Too bad we don't have winter around, it's kinda sad. It's been 15 years from the past. My Christmas it is always been the same, no changes at all. It's always a cold quiet night and I'm alone. No one celebrating Christmas with me, all abandon me. I lived with my sorrow and loneliness for 15 years. And computer is my only loyal friend. Always right by my side. Actually I'm not really lonely, after few second of thoughts. Jesus is always with me. Guys Christmas isn't really for fun. It's a day for us to remember Jesus. Today is his birthday, the day he born as a lad. Anyways, Merry CHRISTMAS!

After all, my result is just what I expected. That's just something awesome! I think I can do better, just that maybe I'm too lazy. I feel that this is not what I suppose to deserve, I actually deserve better. I don't feel so good getting my result like that. Although I felt regret, but it's over anyways. We can't travel back time to change this fact. I just have to live with it, try to do it better next time. Our future is in our hand, often people said this. But mostly people don't think like that. Most of the people said all this is fate. I'll tell you fate my ass. Try use your brain to think, no one is born to do some stuff. But some are born to be better in stuff. This world is equivalent, it's fair. There isn't the best, but there's better. Try less comparing with others, your worst rival is not someone else. It's yourself, if you can beat yourself. There is nothing impossible all over the world. =3

Tomorrow is the day, the day which matters my life and death. It's the matter which path am I going next. It's a part of my destiny! I'm afraid of my freaking Bahasa Malaysia. Once I fail on that subject, I'm doom. It is more or less falling into Pit of Hell. Nah, I'm just kidding. It's actually worst! I'm just saying, it's not so bad after all. Look at the bright side, there are at least still some subjects for to study right over the dark side. Ahh, lets stop this stupid topic. Christmas is coming soon, ain't that great? I think the BEST THING EVAR!! It's been 15 years, I've never got a Christmas present so far. I'm just wondering, when will I have my 1st Christmas present. I'm still waiting, waiting for miracles to happen. I've never dream to have any Christmas, so I don't really know what do I want for my Christmas. But I hope it is something special, something that surprise me. AMEN!!

Tomorrow is the day. The day I get my salary, I've been waiting since the day I work. *cheers* First time earning my own cash. That's something nice and really worth it to experience. Just around six hundred Malaysian Ringgit. That's not a lot at all. Got to spend it wisely. Just maybe around three hundred spend on clothes. Others, spend on entertainment. It's been a really long time I didn't get to be with my classmates. Kinda miss their stupidity. I think it's time to get us together again. These days I start to fear once and again. All thanks to stupid PMR result. I'm so afraid that I couldn't make it to science site. If I don't make it, I'm doom! Actually I don't really care bout my result, but now I keep think bout it. It's surrounding my head, keep on torturing me. I seriously hate studies, but I enjoy earning knowledge. Because I feel that, knowing lots of stuff is good. It feels like I'm like 'Megamind'! Nowadays, I'm like a living person without soul. Almost everyday I sleep at 6a.m. I don't know wad kind of life am I having without you. *sigh*

足足2个月了！这两个月以来你过得快乐吗？我看也不怎么开心吧。已经4天我们没联络了，你过得好吗？可是这4天，我过得真的真的很不好。感觉你就在我生命中消失了。失去你后，我才懂得后悔拥有前没好好珍惜。我不懂这种痛苦几时才会才会消失，你才会回来。可是我一定会等。今天等，明天等，后天等，天天都等。等到你出现为止。我会傻傻陪着守着证明你值得，但我会笑着因为一切都值得。你就是那颗星，我非常确定。会永远的闪烁在我心里。嗨，搞不懂为什么我最近真的很emo！又开始烦了吧？

Sadness are surrounding every corner all over the world. Even the most joyful being on this Earth have a sad moment sometime. But there are some got killed by sadness. Sadness are made by many kinds of reason. Some are strong, some are weak. But both hurt, it's just the matter of amount of hurts. Some people might find ways to solve their problem. Some didn't manage to made it alive.

*wahahahaha*

Damn, today is so freaking fucked up! Me and my fat ass friend perform something awesome. It goes like this, I threw a coat hanger at him. And it land on his face, and it's bleeding already. That's something really cool huh? Well it's actually his pimple blew up. Two pimple blew at the same time. I almost laugh my ass off, I think i laughed almost 5-10 minutes. I guess? This is an experience that I'll never forget. I think I'm gonna do it again! =D

There's still 14 days left. It's still a long way to go. Anyways folks, I deactivate my Facebook account and I don't think I'm gonna activate it again. That's one hard work to do. I feel Facebook is so freaking boring nowadays, after discovering everything inside. Its rubbish, crap, junk or maybe even trash. But except for those shits what else can I do? I decided to do nothing. Some people may think I'm trying to act emo, but I don't give a damn.

-WIN-

Realize that after I work I got no life. I'm just like a machine. When it's time for work, just press the start button and work. Bullshit I tell you, it's BULLSHIT! Time passes very fast, but I feel that it's slow at the same time. These days I keep on having some weird dreams. But I can hardly remember them. All I remember is I keep having this horrible scene that I'm not wearing any pants. HAHAHAHAH! Maybe it's because too much stress. I think everything will be alright.

Fuck the world! I told my supervisor I'm not continuing my job after this month. She told me I have to find someone to replace me then I can leave. This ain't fair, but if I leave without another replacement it isn't fair to her too. Damn! Why did I choose to work at the first place? I feel regret. D'= When I fucking work, I can't even concentrate on messaging her. What kind of failure am I? Worst among the worst? Or maybe the LOSER!? *sigh*

I've already work 1 week. Shit! Dying, tired and stress. But although I'm suffering at the end when the damn salary comes! All the will vanish and washed out of my mind. It's actually not bad, get to learn some crappy stuff there. Well, most of the time I'm not doing anything. So this job is more to like doing nothing and get my salary.

今天，面试成功了。。通常一般人面试成功应该是很开心。。但我却一点也不开心，而且还伤心。。早知道就不做工了，到头来辛苦+又要忽略她。。怎么觉得人，要离开时。。人家越想留你，你越死而无憾。。当人家不留你，你也不想死呢？感觉这一切都太晚了，后悔也没用了。。只好想更好的方法去决绝这一切的难关吧。。Good luck 了我！！！

等待。。。。。需要耐性与冷静！也许只有上上人才办得到的吧？每个人的人生充满了等待~同时等待，带来了寂寞烦恼。。想成功就必须要等待。。等待有长有短。。我等的时间虽然不是很久，可是我已经感觉，有种痛。。那种痛已经留在我的心里很久很久了~头也要爆炸了！烦恼总是绕着我头，让我穿不过气了。。我真的很需要解药！！！D= ！！或许死能解决一切的痛苦吧。。X=

最近不懂搞什么。。。亲戚都很衰下~澳洲的一个表姐滴老公，回来了马来西亚~乱吃乱喝，搞到肚子不知道生什么东西。。刚刚，听老妈说。。另一表姐又中乳癌？到底怎么了哦。。下一个到我了？我甘愿全部事情都发生在我身上，别发生在我关心&在意的人上！D:

前天，家里搞了个party。。差一点就失败了，可是幸好有我老哥顶住。。好多好多人来，很难应付下。。可是最重要最重要的女主角没来:'(！对我一定是一个完美的party，却变成了麻烦我的派对~算了，其他人开心就好吧~我也了解为什么她没来~还是该次吧！忙着忙着，忽略了她~感觉好内疚，当她最不开心最失望是却不在她身边。。好对不起她！

Weeeeeeeeeee~考完试噜。。可惜有人还没考完，可怜死了！西北赌懒哦。。今天考数学，容易到爆！可是怕不会拿A耶！怕怕~哎哟，刚走路回时被老师看到~老师问，我们在一起哈？xD！害我有点不好意思去。。发现Alvin老妈特别热情哦，去到他家。。煮死不多的食物给我们吃。。几爽下，吹air-con+吃丰富的午餐。。

发现自己是个没用的一种生物！常常做了些伤别人又上自己的事。。如果我生命就能立刻停止~什么事都应该不会发生了吧？别人常说，做错了想要改还是行。。但我觉得这是个谎言，根本没有机会给我回头！！！请别再撒谎骗我了，没用的！这样只会让我们两都一起难受罢了。。如果有机会我很乐意和你一起分担。。自己一个人受苦，很辛苦的！这些痛苦，应该把你心给杀了吧？只怪我不懂得珍惜。。。我会怀疑都是因为我太笨，因为我在意，因为我吃醋！！简单说就是三个字‘我爱你’！！！！！不管你愿不原谅我~我还是要和你道歉。。我的心里无法原谅我那么愚蠢！都是我不好！！对不起！

今天下了雨，淋到不是说很爽！可是雨水让我清醒了！一切都哦给了~可是偶尔还是会想些没有的！哈哈，今天我算蛮大粒下。。。衣服两粒button没扣~校长竟然帮我扣了，吓了一下。。她说'baju buka macam , nanti perempuan tengok tak malu ka ?'。。我只是对她笑罢了！哇哈哈哈哈。。过一天算一天，差多一天考试就考完噜！不必再等时间过了。。haiz。。。今天没说超过5句话，觉得很不舒服。。整天在考场里，睡又不是不睡又不是！差一点往生！:D

今天，你的一句话~让我想了很多很多很多。。这句话告诉了我实事，也同时伤了我！可是因为这句话，我也明白了许多许多！我发觉，我真很像一个spare tayar！纯真是代替，因为我突然失去了我要快乐~只留下了悲伤。。感觉，你正真喜欢的人不是我。。之前你说的一字一句越来越假！！！！！还是我想太多了？

回忆，可以充满了快乐活着悲伤~只是看你怎样留下最美丽最深刻滴回忆！快乐与悲伤都是人说创造的~你要的都是在你手上。。。我最近找到，我正真想要的快乐，想要的幸福。。只是一个字‘你’！。。。我朋友常常告诉我，他是在爱情里很失败！还说了，他可能永远都会是单身。。这怎么可能呢？失败就要放弃了吗？失败就代表输了吗？反而我觉得，当一个失败时是他学习的时候~若当你成功时已经是结束了！人生没有意义了~

哇~过不久就要考试了！有些人把考试当成了压力，有些人又不把它放在眼里！考试中，有些人当成像世界末日，有些人还问‘现在在大战吗？’。。。‘人’在世界上分很多种，很多不同种族~有白的，黑的，黄的，巧克力的！毛多毛少，高矮，肥胖~所以思想也是个人个人不一样的，有些坏有些好！可是，每个人都想成功！这我敢肯定。。所以，我说考试重不重要是看你自己觉得重不重要。。都应该跟着重要的东西而追求！！！你找到你想要的东西没有？

最近，老是和她相处。。都觉得幸福与快乐~其它的都没有！可是常常酱相处，我怕我会越来越贪心，怕有天控制不鸟~就死翘翘了！！！相处这几天中，发现我们的感情好像变成比较深了~不管多伤心还是生气！看见她的笑容，什么气什么屁股都没了！几神奇一下~发现最近变很多哦。。变成不像以前疯疯癫癫的我了~搞不好有天会变成怪兽哦！

我们分开的第一天！

最近又有点狼波了~船摇来摇去。。。过的几不舒服下。。可是蛮厉害的我还是克服了！！现在可能有阵子要离开你了。。虽然是有点舍不得，可是是人生中的考验。。为了你，应该都哦给的吧。。最近由有点烦恼咯~看了一部戏说了‘把烦恼变成甜点吃光光！’。。所以咯，Streesed这个字我应该把它变成Desserts！吞进肚子里！应该想多点和你之前的快乐，就没事了~你为了我而改变了蛮多，是时候我也该改变自己了吧！那里不好我就等着你说。。。。最后一句‘BRING IT ON'！:D

今晚中秋节，跟以前很不一样。。15年来，第一次最特别的一次。。15年来，没人和我过中秋。。今晚就不同了，有了她陪我过~我们还一起许愿耶。。几开心下，尤其是她的愿望！！害我也笨笨的笑~惨，越来越难控制！！

曾经想过，她与我的世界，只我们两个，孤独滴两个。。没有任何人事物能烦我们，没事情能才开我们。。每一分每一秒都写在我们滴日记里。。在这本日记里充满我们滴回忆，我们滴快乐与悲伤。。可是现实的世界，是多么的残酷。。总是有些事，来分开我们。。存在我们滴日记簿里只有悲伤和少许的快乐。。不懂到几时才能有我们自己真真理想中滴世界。。

What's going on

安静的夜晚里

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.
When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn.
Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn.
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my baby.

Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.
And now i'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone.
But she made a decision that she wanted to move one.
Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.
I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

Hmmmm ... There is around 31 more days to go , for my big test . I kinda worried that I can't achieve what I really wan to . So maybe I should really work harder .

I keep having this horrible dream that I'm not wearing any pants. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

nah ! just kidding around ...

Damn!

But seriously I had this dream..

It's so weird that I think it's trying to tell me something

Something extraordinary D: !

Omg ！ 我真的是好心没好报

我很高不懂，我干吗会生存在着世界上

This is the 1st time I started to fear

好久好几都没碰你了

My mood now is BAD

This Monkey Can Describe My Feeling ~

`Wohooooo ...~!
`Holiday's finally over
`DAMN ! Can't wait the day I defeat the test
`Give me 3 months time !
`I'll Strike
`3A 2B 2C
`I'll show no mercy !
`Bring it ON !

X``````Finally , holiday is almost over
X``````It's a boring holiday
X``````This holiday is wasting my time
X``````But time just past so fast
X``````Year2010 it's like the shortest year I ever had
X``````Coming next week
X``````I hope I can change some of lousy attitudes
X``````Example ~ Lazy , rude , anger , jealousy and stubborn
X``````After holiday it's already middle of June
X``````Last of all ~ CHIONG ARH !!

This week is totally boring ! I got nothing to do . All I do is online , online and more online . But at least yesterday , wasn't so bad . Went to Stampark swimming pool with my friends ~ After 3 hours in that cold chlorine water , my skin starts to come off ! One of my friend got sunburn , I think his skin just too weak ! Unlike mine , sun resistance :D . Friend of mine , called Sheng Hong and JJ(Jing Jieh) actually plan to swim around . But end up having chat with me , because I dun know how to swim . It's awful tho :( !


Anyways

Pictures ! Taa-Da

Me & JJ , he just have to spoil everything with that finger



Sheng Hong , Discussing Stuff :D !


3 MAN :D !

今天，我终于开始做我的功课了。死鬼老师，给了我们一大堆的功课害我辛苦到半死@@!这整夜我都没玩game只是在做功课。觉得我最近变乖了哦:)!整个人都不同了，可是我的心还是不变！一一爱着你~可惜的是，她根本不知道。。。不懂干吗做了整夜的功课，还有那么多！我觉得把这些废纸丢进水沟，水沟都会塞~我有的好苦了！做功课时，有点寂寞。因为没人陪我度过难关!可怜的我。明早又要补习，我觉得我将会累垮了！感觉有点要崩溃。。。。。就到这里了，功课我来了！！！

After several days of thinking ! Finally I know what to do now ! Friend of mine , suggest me to do homework and I've think of it . I found out it's not so bad after all . It's been a long time , I didn't finish homework for a long time . I've been a bad boy for a long time ! It's time for me to be good boy . Thanks to that person ~ :)

追进，没什么好写的，脑海里一片空白。。假期到了！在家里无聊到极点不知该干嘛。最不幸的是这几天我会跟加的无聊！:( MSN online也没人陪我chatting，通常有个笨蛋傻瓜陪我chatting到3.00-4.00am。。那傻瓜几笨一下~所以呢，我就写了这个post！！！虽然我的华语不怎么好，可是还是能见人拉！:D

假期的第一天就那么闷了~掺！我现在有死的念头，如果我的生命就可以酱结束我会很开心:D。。可是呢，我不懂要怎样死法才是最好的呢?不痛，又快，又爽的死法！ 就酱了~

Basically , I quit Dota months ago . Because there are too many idiotic players . But I got no choice to continue it again . I'm DESPERATELY BORED ! I dun play it for entertainment , but to have better friendship . On the other side , sometimes we may spoil our friendship by this stupid game . :D !

Gonna have school holidays soon , a long boring holiday . Three week holiday , I can't really meet my friends and 'HER' *SIGH* . I hate holiday ! So long 'HER' , I'll miss you ~

Today is all about curry . And why is it ? It's all because of my friend 'Lik Ge'(Eric Soo) Birthday Partie and I tell my mom to cook curry . It taste absolutely great ! My mom's cooking is the best ! Now I'm on Curry Frenzy . But too bad , all these curry I cannot 'sapu' myself . Gotta bring lots of it to Darren's house for the Partie ! All these curry ingredients from Stutong Market . Which my mother spend almost 30 Malaysian Ringgit . First I meet a cool Indian dude that sells curry powder , which speaks 'hokkien' . It's totally awesome !




MasterPiece Below !



Opps , Forget Bout the Cover ~





Taaa-Da !




DELICIOUS





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End Of Curry !

For me holiday just like 2nd hell , it's so boring ! Wasting my time going for holiday , for 3 weeks . Damn ! Recently I'm still planning to do what during this hell . And I can't see her for 3 weeks ! Gosh ! Anyways , I've plan to do something that really consume time . And that is WoWing . So what is this WoWing ? It's more to like World of Warcraft-ing . Except of doing that are sleep , chatting and sleep . So far I think i really gotta build up my energy for studying . I go to school with a very heavy body , such in very tired all the time . Got no mood to study , so I gotta sleep a lot . And now I found someone that is very fun to chat with , she makes me happy . Although she kinda dumb sometimes ... :p !

My feelings are all mixed up ! I don't know how do I feel , all I can think about is her . Her her her ! =.= Sick and tired of it . You are counted as a part of my life for now , but what am I to you . Well I don't think that I mean anything to you ! *SIGH* Whenever you think of someone else , I can feel it from the depths of my heart . The feeling is strong , so strong that I could not accept it . But sometimes when you smile or talk to me , I feel so happy . I think I'm a little too naive . All I feel or think will never come true . You're just my dream that won't come true .

What is this so called Paladin , a lot of people in Kuching does not know this word . Well I'm a Paladin ! The word Paladin means holy knights , who fight for the light ! I'm in a strong organization called The Silver Knights(TSK) . Paladins who fight for peace , who fight for God . Will be bless under God's Hand . AMEN !